King's Kitchen

     So I have a confession to make.

     I stood in Stephen King's kitchen/side room for a few minutes one hot August day in 1985/86 (being debated) He wasn't home. A cat meowed lazily at me but that was it. I actually called out "Mr. King, sir...anyone home?" There was no reply. In hindsight, maybe that was a good thing. Should he have found me I would have started crying, begged forgiveness and asked for a photo. Heaven help me when he finds this out now.

     My dad, who was killed in a motorcycle accident a few years ago, would have cheered for this little trip down memory lane. It is his fault I started reading Stephen King, it is his fault I still do and in 1986 my foray into home invasion was his fault too.  He was the one driving the Chrysler LaBaron, the wagon we used to get to there. How did someone not see that behemoth?

     We had been camping. We went to Maine for a few summers. We lived on the New Hampshire coast (still do) and liked to travel farther north some times. My mom, sister, brother and best friend Lisa were all packed into the side paneled wagon. I had spent my summer in some pouting melodrama over a boyfriend. I continued to fuel my teen angst with a daily dose of Pink Floyd and Stephen King. Usually after overindulging in one or the other, I felt just anxious enough to stay depressed. I begged Dad to drive to Bangor.

 "Oh my God, Dad! Please!? It will be so cool! What if I meet him? Holy crap! I wanna photo of me in front of the gates. I looooove Stephen King! He's a genius!"

     We were off and I spent the drive dreaming of our meeting. He would answer the door perfectly delighted I came. No lines, no waiting. He would invite me in and I would tell him, I too am a writer. My family would go home without me while Mr. King took me under his wing and taught me the craft of fine writing. It never even occurred to me he had a family. That he might be busy. I spent that drive to his house with my stomach on the floor, my mind racing, sweet adrenaline pulsing and my mouth encouraging my brother and sister to make faces at other cars.

     When we got there I couldn't see the house very well because of the hedge. Dad parked near the side walk and Lisa and I got out. She was giggling and nervous. I wanted to be a spaz myself, but needed to remain solemn. This was serious stuff. This was big. I was embarking on greatness. We walked to the gates and marveled at their intricate detail.

   "Ohhhhh, look at the bats! So, cool....." my voice trailing off. We needed photos. I do not remember who took them or how many we took. I do remember my arm around Lisa. The sad part of this story is that I never saw them. They never got developed. The film was never found. Interesting...sad, but interesting.

     I stood at the gates and looked toward the car port. There were no cars. The side gates were open. There was no one in view. The house appeared to be under some sort of renovation. I remember drop cloths and the sound of workmen, maybe in the back or inside. I stood at the gates. My Dad said we needed to go. My mom pleading with me that I would get in trouble and somewhere in my hormone infused brain I decided "no". NO, I am not going home. I am going IN.

     There were protests, but I left everyone and quickened my pace toward the side of the house. I will just act like I know him. I will act like this is no big deal. Slow my stride. Act normal. House is getting close. Steps. Door. Check handle. Does it turn? I will...is this door open? Oh my God, it is. I really...am I really...can I just walk in there? Holy shit.Yep, so I did. It was cool and dark and I don't remember much. I was in the vacuum of derealization and it's sister slow motion. Dark tile, counter, sink, smell of brick and copper. I wanted to run through the house and touch everything and find him writing. (oh Lord, how that would have been a monumental mistake) Instead, I stood frozen and whispered his name. Then a little louder. I think I knew in my brain he wasn't home, but my heart wanted the fantasy to play out. A cat came around the corner. I made a weak motion to acknowledge, but it ran away. Then nothing. I didn't hear anything. I too, better run away. So I did. I ran back to the car.

     25 years is long time for the mind to hold on to details. I'm sure I have attached memory to emotions. I have closed my eyes and thought hard. This is the story I came back with. I have thought that I did indeed speak to a worker there. Briefly? Maybe? I feel like there was an exchange of "Can I help you?" My reply, "No, thanks. I was just seeing if the Kings were home." Of course, this being said as I quickly made my way the hell out of there.

  This adventure has been told many times. I am not famous. I am not rich. I am raising a family, go to church, run a business and work as a CMA. I have life long friends who remember this little squib. It's my claim to fame, one of them anyway ( I also have the gratification of being in U2's Elevation Tour: Live From Boston video). I digress. I am now at the age I can say, "Back in the day". Good Lord and all that is holy, I am aging. I'm getting old like every human does. What a bummer. After becoming a member of StephenKing.com it is crystal clear something like this would never happen now. Mr. King battened down the hatches a while ago. He is so famous it's...well, scary.

    So in closing, Mr. King, should you ever read this, please forgive me my trespasses.

Matters of Opinion: Hallowing Halloween | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction

Matters of Opinion: Hallowing Halloween | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction

FEAR NOT! Saturday's workshop and introduction. Check it out!

http://www.newcreationhc.org/upcoming_events.htm 

May 14, 2011 - Anxiety: Freedom from Fear - Anxiety can waste our time and energy and keep us from doing things we want and need to do. Yet Jesus tells us to “be anxious for nothing”.  So why do some of us find this so hard to do?  How can we help those “in the anxiety trap”?  Come hear about ways God can set you and those you care about free from anxiety.  To download a brochure with registration form click here Anxiety: Freedom from Fear or for more information contact Marlene in our office by calling 603-642-6700 or Emailing her at nchcevents@yahoo.com

   My name is Kristen Smith and I have dealt with every possible anxiety symptom there is. From the time I was five I have battled anxiety and depression. Sometimes the two are very closely linked. Some just deal with depression, but I have found for me that depression is a product of the anxiety itself. Now, while I realize many deal with depression, I am mostly going to focus on the concerns of anxiety. Stress is also a very close cousin of anxiety and I will be dealing with that also.

     Now, like most disorders, anxiety has many forms and no two people are exactly alike. Everyone deals with it differently. We all have different backgrounds, causes, triggers, coping measures and symptoms. But the healing process is the same.

     I n my journey toward healing, I have tried many methods. I have read books, taken classes, seen therapists, taken medications, prayed, meditated on scripture, researched, seen doctors etc. everything. I did everything I knew to do and was willing to try anything to get better. I bet I’ve used at least 100 sources in my quest. I remember telling someone I would be willing to cut off my right arm to never deal with this again. But God gave me my right arm and wasn’t going to let me spare it. Then I couldn’t teach this class or write or wash my left arm. And we know that God equips the called, not always calling the equipped. Amen?

     One of the most upsetting struggles in my walk was the lack of understanding in the Christian community. In a perfect world God is all we need, and He is. His Word should be enough to heal every ailment. Faith should be enough to calm your every storm. While I knew this to true, it was not enough to help me. Usually, the spiritual solution left me feeling defeated. My faith wasn’t strong enough, I didn’t believe enough, I didn’t read enough, and I wasn’t a good enough Christian. I will never overcome because I am defective. Now, I know in my heart these thoughts are not true, but when you are in a constant state of anxiety you cannot see the truth. You cannot feel the truth. Confusion reigns supreme for the sufferer.

     God showed me one day, through a program, Attacking Anxiety and Depression by Lucinda Bassett and the Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety, that there was practical and medical knowledge I desperately needed if I was to overcome this disorder. It was a 15 week study and it gave me tools I use to this day. The course has been invaluable. I believe that the Lord lead me to that program. I also read Joyce Meyer’s Be Anxious for Nothing and In Pursuit of Peace 21 Ways to Conquer Anxiety, Fear and Discontentment. These programs have workbooks and CD’s and DVD’s. I filled my mind with all the truth I could get, and strengthened with the practical, I found a new way of living and thinking.

     Everyone deals with feelings of anxiety at some point in their lives. Whether getting married, starting a new job, having a baby, or buying a house. Anxiety can just seem like worry or stress. Your life can be overwhelming at times. You feel you cannot handle the situation your in. Anxiety is different. It is a disorder (not a mental illness) where the worry is persistent and habitual. You feel you have no control over it. Your thoughts become unrealistic and hyper focused. You obsess. The anxiety interferes with every area of your life and hinders you from functioning normally. Anxiety disorders can involve physical symptoms, panic attacks, insomnia, and a whole list of uncomfortable conditions. Many of these thoughts and reactions are habits. Habits can be broken and replaced with new coping skills and new ways of thinking. How we think is a direct cause of most of all anxiety.

The Bible says a lot about worry, anxiety and fear. Jesus knew this would be one of man’s greatest struggles. We know that this is not what God meant for His people. Anxiety is not a normal condition for the believer. In 2 Timothy 1:7 it says-

     “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but He has given us a spirit of power, and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.”

     We’ve heard many scriptures in the Word about fear and anxiety, but haven’t learned “how” to apply this to our lives. In that last verse it talks about self-control. Self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. God knew that we would need self-control to overcoming anxiety, because we have to learn to control our thoughts, our vain imaginations and strongholds that exalt themselves above the knowledge of Christ. This class will hopefully show you how to do that and learn new skills in helping you have that “mind of Christ” the Word speaks of.

When Jesus left, He said,

     “Peace I leave with you; My own peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled neither let them be afraid. Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.”

    Jesus left His peace. He didn’t say He left us money, or super powers, or perfect minds and bodies-He left His peace. Peace can govern your heart so that you are able to do all that God has called you to do. Peace is the opposite of anxiety. Peace is also a fruit of the Holy Spirit and so we know it can be cultivated in us. We know as long as we are in the world we will have trials, but we also know “He has overcome the world”, John 16:33. We can have the “peace that passes understanding”, because the Bible says so. 

     I’m here to teach you how to you that. I myself, am not perfected, but some of the skills I have learned are life long. The new habits I have enable me to know I will not be overcome. You too can overcome anxiety and walk in peace. You should be proud of yourself for taking this first step toward healing. In the weeks to come you will be on a journey that may be hard at times, but well worth it. So, let’s get to getting’.

butterfly photos by Kristen Smith

Blood, Sweat and Service With A Smile

     So I finished my MA studies and graduate in May. In the mean time, I study for my CMA, look for work, hang with family and go running. Just thought I'd reflect for a bit on the journey.
     The number one question I get is why aren't you a nurse? Well, it's not that I wouldn't love that and maybe someday I will be, but that is not the path I chose. It's only recently that I felt my youngest was old enough to handle my absences and lack of personal time for him. My children have been my number one priority and helping Kevin navigate through our business ups and downs. We decided that I would become a CMA. It was the quickest route to a steady income and still a profession I love. To the naysayers that tell me I won't find a job and won't make shit, I say, "God, has not taken me this far with these gifts to not place me in the perfect setting for His benefit and the benefit of all." Also, my school loans are pretty small so I don't need a crazy income to pay for them. I just wanted to be able to help with our finances and have some extra. (extra? what the hell is that?)
     I was so scared and excited in the beginning. I was the oldest in my class and wanted to do well. My family and friends found my worry humorous. And of course, they were right. I have a 4.0 GPA. I was the only one in quite some time to have 100% in A&P. Funny thing is, if I go on to nursing I have to take it again, but more in depth. Oh well, at least I have a jump start. I got along great with everyone in school and the girls thought I was a hoot. I've made some friends I think I'll keep :).
     The best part of school was my 5 week externship. Another question I get is "Why isn't it called an Internship?". Cuz it's still part of my schooling? I don't know. Don't care. Google it.
     I LOVED being at NCHC. LOOOOOVED it! For real. I got to do everything I was ever taught and more. By week two I was pretty much on my own with minimum supervision. The pace was fast and I was on my feet all day. I never sat down. I saw patients all day of every age and shape. I spent time with the dying, inflicted, infected, diseased, anxious, depressed, you name it. It was wonderful to have a challenging patient and get them to smile. Drawing blood was great. EKG's and swabs and cultures and codes and biopsies were all fun to me. I felt like I had stepping into a bath with the perfect temperature. I floated through the hallway with total joy. Seriously, my spirit felt at home. Being with humanity at their sometimes worst was a gift. When someone is scared and in pain, who cares that their nipple piercing is in your face? Who cares if the gay couple want to be together in the same room? Who cares that this woman is 400 lbs and needs your understanding? Who cares that this woman's UTI smells really bad or that this elderly person just threw up? Well, technically, I do. I care that they are treated with respect and a smile. Something inside of me clicks on when there's a challenge and things get crazy. So many different people, so little time! lol
     I was meant to do this. I was meant to do lots of things. Who knows where this is going to go? I can't live in the land of "Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda". Yeah, it would be great to be a surgeon or specialist, but I'm not so.....let's see what I can do with this? I learned I want to be part of a family practice with their own lab. A place where they do everything. Maybe Acute Care or Emergency Care? I want to be part of a team where the Doctor continues to teach me. Being a CMA means I can do quite a lot under a Doctor's eye. I like that. I like that I'm covered and don't have to make the big decisions. I'm still raising kids! Isn't that enough? I'm lucky I remember to brush my teeth half the time.
     I guess the biggest thing, is that I remembered true joy. Joy is a gift from God. It is different than happiness. Happiness is nothing compared to joy. Joy is internally made. It has nothing to do with what people can do for you. It has everything to do with serving and touching a soul. Joy is Holy. When you are moving in your gift to bless others...that is joy.

Grayson

My boy has come a long way. For so long I wondered if I was doing the right thing for him, if I was disciplining him correctly. His intensity was always being labeled as a genetic hindrance. Advice was always being thrown at me on how to "handle" him. He is so strong willed. He is stubborn. He is energetic and intelligent. He is creative and funny. His anxieties have been a source of grievance for me, but he lives in a space that is more aware than most. He is aware of life's details and experiences, and for that I would never change him. There was never anything "wrong" with him. These are the characteristics of the successful. He is just a little boy making his way, but is only 9 and has his whole life ahead of him. I have had moments with him that no one will ever know, where I saw learning and epiphanies take shape and hold.
He is becoming the sweetest, most well behaved ,creative little boy I know. (except for Marshall, but that is another posting) He is learning to have sympathy and empathy for others. We are teaching him that life is hard and owes you nothing.To be a man of integrity you must hard work and have thankful heart. I finally realized that because I am a good mother and in tune with my children, I needed to listen to my heart. I do know what's best. God knows what's best and my husband knows best. Outside help, whether academic, spiritual, physical or psychological is welcome, but the responsibility is ultimately ours as his parents. He will not be mean, because we aren't. He will be strong because his father is. He will have faith because we demonstrate ours daily. He will fall, make mistakes and mess up royally and we will always be there to  love him and help lead him back to his path. Some day he will have his own path entirely and the only thing we as parents can say is that we did our best to lay the foundation.
We can't save every paper, drawing and grade Grayson comes home with. I always feel guilty when I throw away something he has made, like I'm throwing away of peice of him. But I know that's not true. Some I have put away and some I have hanging about. These are some of my favorites.

 Grayson made this year's ago. So how many kids decide a butterfly has teeth? This is hanging in my office and makes me smile.

This is pretty accurate!

His telling of the day cracks me up. This was last year and he was so nervous about being on the bus without me. Funny how he recalls me telling him to not play in the rotten apples.

I found this little gem hidden in a pile of stuff. I thought it was so cute I had to frame it. Their is something about the way the mouse is looking at the flowers....her paw and thoughtful pose.

Suze Orman just thoroughly pissed me off.

     Octo Mom, Nadya Suleman, was on Oprah today. She had gone through some previous financial sessions with Suze Orman and today they continued the interview.
For the record, I do not know either one of them and this is my blog so I can say what I want.
     Nadya is not a crazy as people think. She is not as shrewd either. Was she "crazy" to have eight babies put in her? Maybe. Although, if this was a middle class married couple from suburbia we would find them fascinating, wonderful and brave. So Nadya is not emotionally stable? Really? And her mother, her doctor and her sperm donor are???? The doctor should have his license revoked. Shame on people for blaming and losing their shit over children that are already here and born. Maybe she should have killed a few of them? Maybe it would have been better if she aborted them? Who is the public or Suze Orman to make that call?
     Suze Orman had valid points. She had sound advice, BUT she did not have the right to make this girl say OUT LOUD 3 TIMES that "had she known now what she knew then she would have made different choices". Really? Well no shit Suze. ME TOO! Anyone? Anyone ever make a mistake or royally screw up? (Well, yeah, but I didn't let a doctor put 8 eggs in my uterus). Oh really? Me neither, but would the public like to reveal what they have done? I don't think so.
     So here we are and lets deal with the choices. I refuse to deal with the would haves, should haves, could haves. You cannot change the past. What good does it do this woman to continue to feel regret? She hates herself now as it is. How healthy is that for her children?  Encouragement and future "right" decisions are what is needed NOW! Why must we continually kick those already down?
     I did not say I agree with her choices, but I agree to her responsibility. Maybe the state will end up with some of the children. Maybe they will have a tough life ahead. How is this different from the thousands that have the same issues? Why? Because this woman is a media spectacle? Suze Orman was the lucky gal who got to throw the stones for the public. Bitch. Shame on you. This isn't how I work. Again, I don't condone what Nadya did or even how she did it. But I would agree to whatever serves the best interest of these children. BTW-if people are mad that Medicaid and Medicare care for these children, using tax dollars, then I say you better agree to any moral means this woman comes up with for making money.

Just Cookin: Healthy Banana Flax Bread

So today's recipe is inspired by the disgusting, brown bananas sitting on my counter, which I'm sure would be surrounded by hovering fruit flies if it weren't so freaking cold.

I am a firm believer that we should be using whole, real ingredients. Yes, REAL butter, REAL eggs, REAL sugar. This bread is delicious and nutritious. If you have some of unsightly bananas hanging around, I suggest you give it a try. It is great plain or with a little pat of butter or cream cheese.

Healthy Banana Flax Bread
1/2 c. whole wheat flour (white or regular)
3/4 c. all-purpose flour
1/4 c. golden flaxseed (ground)
1/2 c. light brown sugar
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 egg plus 1 egg white
2 Tbls. melted butter
1 1/2 tsp. pure vanilla
3/4 c. mashed ripe banana (about 2)
1/2 c. chopped walnuts
Sugar in the Raw (optional)

Preheat oven to 350. Spray or butter 1 regular sized loaf pan or 2 mini loaf pans.

Whisk flours and baking soda and baking powder together in a bowl and set aside. If you are using unsalted butter add a pinch of salt to the mix.

Mix egg and white together on medium for about 2 minutes then add vanilla, butter, brown sugar and banana and beat together. Slowly add the dry mixture and mix until combined. Mix in the walnuts and pour into prepared pans. Sprinkle with sugar for a bit of sparkle and crunch.

Cook for about 20 minutes or until a toothpick comes out slightly moist.

Let cool for a couple minutes then remove from pans to a cooling rack.

Enjoy!

Really? I Think I NEED More Facts.

 It seems that your life can be ruined for just about anything now. People are stupid some times. People make mistakes. But most people are not evil, like the media wants you to think. This story illustrates what happens if you act on instinct...like playing with someone's kid cuz ya know, it might be fun....God forbid.
 
Recently, the Williamson Family was on flight from Fiji to Sydney with their 17-month-old son, Riley. According to reps from Virgin Blue, one of their flight attendants noticed the young boy playing a game of peek-a-boo with his father and decided to join in on the fun. In an act we assume was without the parent's permission, the flight attendant hoisted the boy into one of the overhead compartments and closed the latch. Outraged, mother Natalie Williamson started yelling at the steward to release her son, which he did under a matter of seconds.
Now, the steward has been fired and Natalie is telling sources that their whole family is traumatized by the ordeal. She insists that her son was locked in the compartment for up to 10 seconds in complete darkness and now is suffering from anxiety and withdrawal because of it. Really? 10 seconds put this kid into PTSD? The airlines released an official apology to the family, as well as offered three free flights for the family to use. However, Natalie said she was too "shaken" to accept.Hmmmm....
Now, we're not arguing that this guy didn't cross a line. He had no business handling a child that young without the parent's permission.With that said, it's clear he was just trying to be friendly. Kids get fussy on planes. He was probably just trying to get the kid to laugh. This is where I  get confused. I mean, if they are this freaked out then they had to have been right there with their son. They had to have seen what was happening. They obviously aren't letting the child run a muck through the plane. So if the parents were in view why didn't they just stop him. I wasn't there obviously, but really???
They seem to be overacting a bit. Just sayin'. What do you say?